Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
