loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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