dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
