wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize