This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
