I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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