doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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