i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
