We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
