she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
