the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He passed out mid-signature
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
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Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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