I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
