Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize