Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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