I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
