he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
