You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
