You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
as a side note pls kill me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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