she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She told me I should be a condom model.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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