Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
