I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
