Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
