I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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