You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
