I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
