im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
