The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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