There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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