i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We are all done wearing pants today
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
