Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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