Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I love you. Go after that dick
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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