apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
