when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
