he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
