The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
