The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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