my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
