my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
