love makes seman taste better
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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