i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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