you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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