is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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