yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
