He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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