I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
