Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
