One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
