I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
