Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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