will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
