It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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