it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
