If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
