Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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