eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
