So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
