I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
