You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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