he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
