Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This couple is walking their pig around campus
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
