Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They took my balls.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
