Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
