i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
