I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
