My brain says no but my pants say off.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
