Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
