I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
