I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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