You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
