walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
