his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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