Even water is tasting like jack daniels
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
