I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
