apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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