I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
