I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
