Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
