She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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