: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
